


Notte insonne | Only the living ones hurt

by soy_latte



Series: Notte insonne [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, KakaYama Week 2019, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 08:59:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18869983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soy_latte/pseuds/soy_latte
Summary: From this distance, he could still feel Tenzō’s chakra, his muffled mumbles, the sound his body made against the sheets every time he shifted.





	Notte insonne | Only the living ones hurt

**Author's Note:**

> No, this is not a follow-up to _Notte insonne | Lullaby for The Tormented _.__  
>  I wasn't supposed to take part in KakaYama Week but I thought that this work might fit "Please don't hurt me" day.  
> Truth to be told, I'm quite disappointed. But when I finish something, I'd rather share it. A mediocre cake is still a cake, right? I might come out with a revised/alternate version later.  
> This is un-beta-ed a/o proofread, again.  
> Still hope some of you will enjoy it :)
> 
> Cover by @goodnightophelia

  


Kakashi flipped through the pages. One by one. Slowly. Only stopping from times to times to peer through the half-opened window. The night was dark but the sky was clear. Summer wasn’t far.

He closed his book without marking it. He read it way too many times already, he could probably recite the next page only from memory. Leaning on his bed base, he took a moment to listen to the calm and steady breathing of the sleeping form behind him and closed his eyes. How long has it been since he saw him sleep that well? _‘It’s good… It’s good,’_ he thought.

Book long forgotten on the floor next to him, Kakashi propped himself on one hand to turn over and take a look at his subordinate. He was sprawled out on the bed, long hair spread everywhere. Unable to repress his shinobi habits, Kakashi thought that he was too carefree. Or was he comfortable here…

Getting on his knees, Kakashi neared the head of the bed and let himself take a closer look at Tenzō. There was no way his younger peer would not sense him, but there might be chances for him not to wake up and pretend he didn’t. Just in case, Kakashi carefully removed a few strands of hair off his sleeping face. Seeing it didn’t affect him the slightest, Kakashi started to make out the contour of Tenzō’s face. That forehead, that jaw, these temples he didn’t get to see very often... Maybe he could now understand why Tenzō tried to hide his amazement every time he removed his own mask in front of him. He continued his ministrations, fingertips barely touching his skin. He could do it for hours, maybe, and the long sigh Tenzō made was a silent agreement that, maybe, he should do it all night.

After a while, sleep still hadn’t come to Kakashi who decided to go out and grab some refreshment. He reluctantly removed his hand from Tenzō’s face and stood up, appreciating the scenery while he did. Smiling contentedly, he came to the conclusion that the young man was probably deep asleep. He grabbed a sweater to put on and searched for a few coins. He then turned to Tenzō again and leaned on, placing another strand of hair behind his ear, whispering almost inaudibly, “I’m going down the building. I will be back quickly.”. Although his teammate was asleep, it wouldn’t be surprising if his brain still could record words. He caressed Tenzō’s head one more time and left his small apartment.

Hands buried in his pockets, he dragged his feet to the nearest and only 24/7 convenience store in the area. The bell rang as he entered the shop and the cashier stood up to greet him. Kakashi approached him and the young man held out a bottle for him.

“What a coincidence that I was restocking your favourite,” he smiled.

The shinobi accepted it with a smile and both men made their way to the counter.

“Sleepless night again?”

“Well, the night is quiet and chill. Perfect for a little stroll isn’t it?”

The cashier nodded and registered the bottle as Kakashi dropped the coins on the counter. “Keep the change kid.”

 

After jumping from a rooftop to another, Kakashi reached his building. Although it sounded too much, he still peeked through his window. Tenzō was still sleeping but the covers had been discarded and he was now holding a pillow in his arms. Kakashi frowned and thought out loud, “are you mad because I left you?”

He then jumped on the rooftop two floors above his room and sat down to enjoy his drink. He wasn’t particularly thirsty, but a late insomniac night deserved its cold tea. From this distance, he could still feel Tenzō’s chakra, his muffled mumbles, the sound his body made against the sheets every time he shifted. Thinking about it, he quickly got accustomed to Tenzō’s presence. Whether it was around him, all the time, at night, holding him, in his own bed… It felt so foreign but at the same time, it became an odd habit. He would have been a fool if he hadn’t seen how Tenzō clung onto him, almost desperately, right after he tore him from the Foundation. The boy never left him, following his every move and order. He didn’t have to say it so often for Kakashi to understand the profound respect and gratitude Tenzō had for his captain. Although burdened by such affection, he got used to it. And if he had to be honest with himself, he also developed a little weakness for the boy. He reached out to Tenzō in the first place, and he didn’t want to let go. Although, he realised with a smile, he doubted his young comrade would even let him go. 

His senses aroused as he heard whines coming from his apartment. Standing on his feet, he immediately ran for his room. Jumping from his window, he darted to the agitated Tenzō.

It was one of those nights. 

There were nights when Tenzō would turn around, and turn again, and again, mumbling unintelligible fragments of words, crying and whimpering until he woke up. 

And it hurt.

“Tenzō! Tenzō!”

Kakashi threw himself on the bed, catching the one he was calling repeatedly by the shoulders.

“Tenzō! Tenzō! Please wake up!”

Despite his calls, Tenzō was deep-rooted in his nightmare. He was sweating, and Kakashi swore he was crying too. Still mumbling words he couldn’t catch. Although he knew. He knew what all of this was about. He shook him to wake him up, but the young man didn’t wake up. He was sobbing and his breath was strained. He whined as Kakashi lifted him up slightly to force him out of sleep. The sounds he made were awful to listen to. These were the sounds you made when you were suffering, trapped in your own mind, trying to scream and cry for help but your body wouldn’t let anything out. Trying to get a hold of his head, Kakashi slapped Tenzō’s cheek with little vigour. _“I’m sorry,”_ he thought. 

Tenzō’s whole body shook as he woke up from his terrifying dream. He was hard as steel under Kakashi’s hand. His eyes were red and revolved, looking at Kakashi but not seeing him. His pants were rapid, hissing that it pierced through the older man right through.

“Tenzō… Tenzō, wake up. You’re fine. You’re with me. You’re fine.”

Repeating each word slowly but loud enough for Tenzō to hear, he tried to make him focus on him. Hands behind each side of his face, he looked down as his mouth that was trying to form sentences.

“They’re dying… Dead… I can’t save…”

“No, Tenzō, you’re with me. You’re fine. Please wake up now.”

Kakashi didn’t feel the pain in Tenzō’s guts. The acid that went up and up into his oesophagus, burning everything inside him while he tried to breathe. Even something as natural felt like hell. Every single breath he tried to take was like swallowing needles. Kakashi didn’t feel that pain, although it was clearly readable on Tenzō’s face.

Kakashi continued to talk to him in a quieter voice, “Please breathe slowly. You’re fine. You’re fine now.”

Tenzō’s hand reached for his own chest, closing his eyes and frowning as he was trying to dissipate that burning sensation inside. But it hurt so much that he started to cry again, despite cries only adding to the pain. Cradling him, Kakashi stroke his damp hair. Letting Tenzō cry out loud, he murmured the same words, over and over, until Tenzō would stop saying how much it hurt. He hated these nights. He hated how physically tiring they were. And he wished, oh how he wished that he could promise him he’d never have to experience them ever again. But he wasn’t a liar.

After long minutes of crying, Tenzō felt the fatigue grow in his body, although the acid pain remained. Releasing Tenzō from his embrace, Kakashi took his reddened cheeks in his hands and gently asked Tenzō to look at him. And it hurt again. The vision of his beloved so torn apart was another jab to his guts.

Heavy eyes finally looked at him. Recognising every single move of his features, Kakashi shushed him before he could voice how sorry he was.

“I’m here. It’s over Tenzō. It’s over,” he repeated before pressing his lips on Tenzō’s forehead, pulling him slowly into his arms. Tenzō’s hands reached to his sides and hugged back, as much as his aching body would let him. A slow exhale, and Kakashi knew the storm was now behind them.

Finally, Tenzō leaned back against the wall, making Kakashi stumble before he propped himself up to look at him. “Did I wake you up?” he asked with a sad smile.

“No,” Kakashi said as he played with Tenzō’s pants, “I was out on the rooftop actually.” He gestured to the bottle that had been throw on the floor.

“What is that?”

“Cold barley tea.”

“I’d love that.”

Kakashi gave Tenzō a peck on his drying cheek before standing up and offering him the drink. He went to rummage through his desk to find a painkiller that Tenzō accepted gratefully. Things had changed since the first time Tenzō experienced a nightmare in Kakashi’s presence. Before, he would have apologized continuously, hide in another room because of how shameful he felt. And Kakashi would have to sit on the other side of the door, waiting, only for Tenzō to go back to bed and hide, refusing any help and swearing he was fine, that he felt better. But one night became two, one month became two, a year became two… And Kakashi got to witness his pain more than once. Therefore he learnt. He learnt that these nightmares occurred when he slept for too long, or too deeply; when he had been triggered. He learnt that Tenzō actually craved for his care, needed these words, needed to be shaken off, sometimes roughly, if that was needed. And he learned how to take care of him.

In Kakashi’s eyes, Tenzō was an optimist. Someone who, comparable the trees, the flowers and other vines he could create, was able to change and grow. Thus improving the way to cope with his awful nights. He had learned, by himself, to share his worries, his feelings and the details of his dreams with his captain once he realised that Kakashi was ready to offer him unconditional support. Kakashi admired Tenzō for that. For he had fought against everything he had been taught during his childhood at the Foundation.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Tenzō said after a while; but he didn’t move.

Kakashi extended a hand, “Can you stand up?”

Catching it, Tenzō wobbled on the bed and Kakashi helped him to get up. He stroked Tenzō’s cheeks with his thumb and made a few steps with him until the bathroom. Letting him have some privacy, he started removing the sheet and pillowcases. He hesitated to change the duvet cover too, but Tenzō discarded it in his sleep so it wasn’t wet. Then he settled on his freshly made bed with a book he wasn’t actually reading.

The sound of running water stopped after what seemed ages and Tenzō came out, multiple towels wrapped around him and his hair.

He pointed at Kakashi’s wardrobe, “Can I?”

Kakashi nodded and went back to his ‘reading’. Tenzō came back wearing one of Kakashi’s _jônin_ shirts and a pair of shorts that were, at the moment, a bit too large for him. Towel around his shoulders, he laid against Kakashi, nestling his head above his lover’s hip bone. He sighed, now feeling better. He even allowed himself to twiddle his _‘senpai’_ shirt, inducing tiny goosebumps on Kakashi’s skin.

“I’m sorry.”

Kakashi rolled his eyes and dropped his book by his side before lowering to Tenzō’s level.

Looking at him straight and up close he said, “You really can’t help it, don’t you?”

“Yes… But you even changed the sheets,” Tenzō grimaced.

Kakashi shrugged as an answer and hugged Tenzō tightly, his head above his, the younger eagerly hugging him back. He didn’t mind. What was the simple task of changing a few sheets? He had grown fond of taking care of Tenzō. He liked protecting him. It made him feel better as a human and he wanted to take care of him in the future too. He secretly has sworn he would; for him, and all the ones he hasn’t been able to protect before. 

He removed his head from Tenzō’s and started to fiercely peck him everywhere, making Tenzō giggle at this sudden out of character demonstration. ‘ _How often will I be able to catch this side of you?_ ’ Tenzō thought. Kakashi wouldn’t admit it out loud - he barely would to himself - but those hundred kisses were hundred love yous. 

Calming down, Tenzō asked “ _Senpai_ , you haven’t slept… Don’t you want to?”

“I don’t think I will, tonight,” he said as he stroked Tenzō’s wet hair. He let it grow back again, Kakashi noticed. He could almost see the new recruit Tenzō, if their demanding homicide activities and puberty hadn’t affected his features already. 

“Should we have an early breakfast then?”

“Don’t you find it comfortable here?” 

Tenzō blushed and nuzzled his bashful face on his captain’s torso, “I do.”

“Then it’s set,” Kakashi answered. Closing his eyes, he settled his embrace around the younger man. In the end, he might succeed in grabbing a few hours of sleep.

They stayed so, in complete silence, bathing in each other’s comforting warmness. For these nights were exhausting and brutal, they found solace in the tranquillity that followed; the one they had learned to create. 

Tenzō felt the slow breathing of Kakashi on his ear, proving he actually fell asleep. He peered at him before trying to look through the window. Orange, yellow and a bit of pink started to paint over the dark blue. 

Pressing a very light kiss on Kakashi’s lips, he whispered, “Good morning, senpai.”

Kakashi hummed, tightening his arms and legs around him.

“Good morning, Tenzō.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and happy KakaYama Week :)


End file.
